You
Uninvited, the thought of you stayed too late in my head,
so I went to bed, dreaming you hard, hard, woke with your name,
like tears, soft, salt, on my lips, the sound of its bright syllables
like a charm, like a spell. — Carol Ann Duffy
Friday, April 16, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Open Spaces
The first thing that strikes me when I think of the words "open spaces" is freedom.
I have a few recurrent dreams that keep coming back from time to time. They aren't the real sort of dreams that we dream while we are asleep; they are more like reveries that have taken root in my mind so deep that I'm no longer certain of their birth. I don't know how I dreamed them up and why.
In one, I see myself fall off a cliff in an endless plunge, a deep void that pulls me in without annihilating or consuming the whole of me. And there is no fear, of death or of pain. It is an escape, an alternate world where I'm suspended in a state without fear, pain, thought, or memories. It is a moment of bliss, in which fear, failure, shame, cowardice, disease, death … none of these have a place. Freedom because even when trapped in that endless fall that suspends me in a state of "numbness," I experience the most exhilarating feeling of being free and happy.
In the other, I see myself walk down a wide straight road that stretches in between two vast green fields. Just alone, silent with nobody in sight. I walk and never stop, and I feel completely free and happy.
When in despair, I close my eyes and transport myself to one of these worlds. It's so easy.
I have a few recurrent dreams that keep coming back from time to time. They aren't the real sort of dreams that we dream while we are asleep; they are more like reveries that have taken root in my mind so deep that I'm no longer certain of their birth. I don't know how I dreamed them up and why.
In one, I see myself fall off a cliff in an endless plunge, a deep void that pulls me in without annihilating or consuming the whole of me. And there is no fear, of death or of pain. It is an escape, an alternate world where I'm suspended in a state without fear, pain, thought, or memories. It is a moment of bliss, in which fear, failure, shame, cowardice, disease, death … none of these have a place. Freedom because even when trapped in that endless fall that suspends me in a state of "numbness," I experience the most exhilarating feeling of being free and happy.
In the other, I see myself walk down a wide straight road that stretches in between two vast green fields. Just alone, silent with nobody in sight. I walk and never stop, and I feel completely free and happy.
When in despair, I close my eyes and transport myself to one of these worlds. It's so easy.
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